Sometimes I think I’m too vain. I’ve always had a very healthy self-esteem, although not usually about my body. I know I can sometimes come off as arrogant, although I’ve worked on it and I think I’m much better than I used to be.
About my body, though, I’ve always been so critical. Even when I knew I looked good in a particular outfit, I figured it was the outfit and not me that made me look good. During times when I have been mostly happy with my body (there have been such periods of time every now and then), there’s always been something I wanted to change: my stomach.
Even at my lowest weight, when some friends started to ask me if I could stop dieting because I was thin enough, I thought my stomach was too flabby. It’s never been flat or toned, even when my hipbones stuck out. It was always my proof that I wasn’t thin enough, that I still needed to lost at least five more pounds before I could be satisfied with my body.
The strangest thing has been happening lately. My shape has changed since I quit dieting in October. I’ve gone up about one size, but that’s not the only difference. I’ve become a bit more hour-glass shaped, with bigger hips and (I swear, since I started running a week ago, this is a new development … I’m probably making this up) a more defined waist. And not only have I been okay with my stomach … I’ve been loving it.
It’s soft and rounded. It’s not flat. It’s not ugly and fat – it’s feminine and curvy. It enhances my hourglass shape. I was shopping today and tried on a bikini, and though it didn’t fit properly and I didn’t buy it, I admired my shape in it (except my chest – do bikini manufacturers think all women who wear bikinis are flat? I’m a C cup and could not fit the girls inside this bikini top).
I’m just not ashamed of my stomach fat anymore. It doesn’t mean I’m going to love it all the time or that I’m going to start wearing really tight tops or belly-baring shirts. But I will find a bikini that fits properly and I will wear it this season!
And now I’m going to go for a run. I’m up to 2km in my training quest to reach 5km.
Note: I didn’t forget about my intention to blog about Bill C-484: I’ll work on that post tonight!
May 19, 2008 at 3:04 am |
Coolness! And kudos to your new-found belly love. Pass a little of that on to me, eh?
I’m working on my belly, and it’s gotten to actually looking decent in the am when I wake up, but by nightfall, I always look 5 months pregnant… **HUGS!!**
May 20, 2008 at 2:33 am |
Yay for feminine bellies!
May 26, 2008 at 12:52 pm |
oh, I hear you. I myself am incredibly vain ( a really wonderful quality to have when you’re a bod image blogger, I might add) and five months ago, I stopped using the scale and since, I’ve just been going on the way my body feels. It’s been a bit weird to really pay attention to cues like a changing belly as opposed to obsessing over concrete numbers…but also incredibly freeing. I’m so glad you’re loving your stomach – it sounds like you’re going through a gorgeous metamorphosis!